Color Magazine Online

David Wilson has a very attractive job. He gets paid to lead workshops that train organizations on how to create healthy and effective work, educational and social environments. He also teaches major institutions how to implement the programs offered by his employer, AK Consulting Services, a diversity education firm. David uses the story of his life to do his work.

It begins with his parents, an African-American couple that moved to Boston from Pennsylvania on their wedding day in 1938. His father came from a family of domestic workers who lived on the property where they worked; his mother came from domestic workers too. The late Wilsons came to Boston seeking upward mobility and escaping a segregated society. They thought things would be different here, but even in the state branded as "The Spirit of America," they still faced adversity.

Mr. Wilson worked as a handyman for thirty years, while working nights as a butler and a bartender. He also volunteered for the American Red Cross for twenty years, until he was 92. Mrs. Wilson worked as a maid for 30 years, until, in the mid-60s and at the age of 55, she applied for a job as a cleaning lady for the Christian Science Monitor. She spent her first week mopping floors, cleaning bathrooms and tidying up the Mother Church, until her employers realized that the work was inappropriate for her. They offered her a position in the mailroom where she sorted mail until she retired - approximately fifteen years later.

One of the lessons that David learned from his parents was the need to figure out how to fit into society - how to find a way, or make a way.

When he was five, his parents moved from an all-black housing project to an all-white one in Roslindale. His mother thought the move to an integrated community would be better for him; it wasn't. He spent his early years combating racial prejudice.

"To survive in that environment, I put my head down, did my work, made some friends and continued trying to be me."

When he was sixteen, his mother decided to move into an all-black section of Dorchester, while David continued to attend high school in Roslindale. At a Dorchester High School dance, he met his sweetheart whom he married after graduating from Northeastern University.

"My parents were church-going black folk, and they were very protective of me as their only child. I basically followed the path that they created for me: working hard, going to college, finding a good job, getting married, having three children and living in a house in the suburbs."

By 37, David had worked his way up to the executive level at Verizon. On the surface, he was living the dream his parents had wanted for him, but internally, he struggled with being gay. He sought help through therapy and eventually came out to his wife.

"At first, she did not even know what it meant. I didn't know either, but I did know that I was, clearly, attracted to men, and the internal struggle was not healthy for me. My health was deteriorating. I had high blood pressure. I was angry a lot, and I didn't feel as though I was being a good husband or father because I was in so much turmoil."

It was difficult for his wife at first. What was she to do? She was a stay-at-home mom, and now her husband was telling her that he was gay. As any forward-thinking person would do, she accepted David's testimony and, anticipating the inevitable separation, began planning an entrance back into the workplace. For the next two years, David and his wife would work on telling their teenage children and immediate family the truth.

"I told them that I would always be an involved father, but I have finally come to terms with being gay, and what it meant to them was that I will, hopefully, be a better dad because I will be a healthier person."

Soon after, he separated from his wife and moved into an apartment of his own. As a single man, he worked on strengthening his bond with his children. He managed to put them through high school, and watched them go off to college. Along the way, he fell in love with a man and the two of them committed to a long-term relationship.

Again, David's life seemed on track to be happy ever after, having tackled coming out as a gay man to the people who matter the most and assuring his children that he was still their father and bore total responsibility for them. But such honest living allowed a whole new set of problems to surface.

One evening, as he returned home from work, he found his lover lying on the ground in their driveway. He called his neighbors for help. They called 911, and when the police arrived they proceeded to arrest David assuming, that because he was black, he was breaking and entering and had assaulted the man on the ground.

"Before anything could go any further, my neighbors came to my defense and told them that we were a couple, and that they needed to find out what was going on with my partner."
At that point, the police released him, but what would take place at the hospital still leaves David shaky-voiced.

"They wouldn't give me any information because they did not recognize our relationship. They called my partner's 75-year-old mother who lived in Vermont, and she gave them permission to tell me his condition. They told me that he had suffered a massive heart attack and was dead on arrival."

In that moment, David had to quickly come to terms with an unfortunate circumstance of being gay: there was no legal mandate acknowledging his right to medical information about his partner. The disillusionment caused him to spend three years in what he called "recovery". He examined his life and the decisions he had made that brought him to that juncture. He thought about all the work he had done to live honestly and how it all came undone that fateful day in a waiting room.

"I had never considered the problem with relationship rights until that moment. I had a lot to think about."

Encouraged by his ex-wife, children, parents and friends, David began to take small steps out of his own recovery. He found solace in the gay community, attending gay and lesbian events. He began reading about gay rights, and joined a group called The Gay Fathers of Greater Boston which made him feel more validated as a father.

It was in this group that he met Rob Compton, a father of two who had recently relocated to Massachusetts. Rob had been fired from his job as a dentist in Michigan when he came out as a gay man. He came to Massachusetts seeking refuge under the non-discrimination law that prohibits sexual orientation discrimination in the areas of employment, housing, public accommodations, credit and services. David and Rob came together around their stories. They fell in love, and moved in together.

One morning Rob awoke in excruciating pain. David led him to the car and took him to the same hospital that denied him access to his previous partner's information. "It was five minutes away from our home. It was the local hospital, and it's a very good one... I just wanted to get Rob to the hospital," he explained.

Once again David was led to a waiting area while his lover lay on the other side of the wall in the emergency room. It wasn't déjà vu, it was the sheer reality of the situation: the hospital had to adhere to the law that protects a patient's right to privacy.

"I tried to describe what had happened to me three years earlier, and the staff didn't really care. To them, I had no relationship to this man and, unless I could prove that I was related in some way. They would not give me any information."

Hours later, Rob walked into the waiting room area and sat down next to him. He told David he finally got it. In the emergency room, he was in so much pain he could not answer all of the questions he was asked. He needed David to be there - to hold his hand, comfort him and tell him it was going to be okay - but he wasn't.

When Rob recovered, the couple moved into the city, seeking a more supportive environment for their relationship. They reached out to the Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders group (GLAD). It was perfect timing, GLAD was spearheading a lawsuit against the state that would grant civil marriage rights to gay and lesbian couples and was seeking plaintiffs upon whom to rest the case. More than 100 same-sex couples were interviewed and screened; David and Rob were selected along with six other couples to testify. GLAD filed the suit in April of 2001, and on November 18, 2003, the Supreme Judicial Court of Massachusetts ruled to end the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage in the state.

This historic case, known as Goodridge v. Department of Public Health, guarantees the legal framework of protections and obligations offered in civil marriages to gay and lesbian couples, and their children too. These protections include the joint filing of taxes, the ability to purchase joint policies of insurance, protection through workers compensation and wrongful death actions, the ability to bequeath retirement benefits, economic protections to a surviving spouse and hundreds of other protections that cannot be secured without a marriage license.
David and Rob were among the first same-sex couples to be married on May 17, 2004; his conversation with Color Magazine took place on the eve of their fifth wedding anniversary.

"That's my story. That's how I got here, but I never would have thought that I would have gotten here from the way I was raised. I was raised to fit in... to get along, and certainly not to rock the boat. My life has come full circle and I'm more complete."

At this point in his journey, David says that dealing with issues that arise from being black occurs daily. Gay and black issues, according to him, are a part of the civil rights struggle but each is positioned differently on the spectrum.

"To be denied a right for being gay or for being black is clearly discrimination. As a black man, however, I wear who I am on my face every day. As a gay person, unless I self-identify, I can move through society without really being noticed."

He added that while safety as a gay man is an issue, his work is to point out how race, gender, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender issues are all a part of the human struggle to be equal.
"Some of our greatest support has really come from the Congressional Black Caucus, the NAACP and some of the groups that have really gone through the civil rights Struggle. That's why today someone like Julian Bond, chair of the NAACP, can say that gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people fought and marched alongside him, and for that reason he can't leave them behind."

When asked to point out the key issues that affect gay people beyond the marriage breakthrough David - who now shares the post of grandfather with Rob to their six grand children - said that he is looking forward to bringing some normalcy to gay marriage so that people can begin to see the couple and not "the gay couple". He wants people to expect them to go to parent-teacher meetings, church and participate in all facets of life.

He also said another issue on the rise is the work that needs to be done to affect the young people who are paying the price, citing the April suicides of eleven-year-olds Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover of Springfield, Mass. and Jaheem Herrera of Atlanta. Both had endured extreme bullying which included anti-gay taunts.

He also wants the federal government to recognize same-sex marriage giving the rights that provide social security to surviving spouses and allow same-sex couples to file joint tax returns. There are more than one thousand laws that apply to married couples at the federal level but they do not apply to same-sex couples.

"If my story has any impact, I would hope it's a call to action for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people to come out and tell their own story. It takes the same courage and determination that our parents and grandparents exhibited so we could have the civil rights we enjoy today. We need to stand on their shoulders and continue to fight for equality for every person, gay or straight, black, brown or white."